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We will depart on 27/8. The way he learns English is paying money to some training courses and buying reference books, but never really study.

He says that he would study after our landing because he has no choices. What I do or say is not useful and helpful for him , it makes me very tired. So I keep silence and do something by myself.

Our aim is to find a labour job for him. I will prepare TOEFL in order to enter an U to study Computer next year.

His most favorate matter is sleeping. He is reluctant to do anything but his business and sleeping. The sleeping time is always longer than my child. He is very lazy so sometimes I call him TIESUANPAN (joke).
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下拾英 / 心情随笔 / 我是主申请人,所以常学英语和上网(能找信息)。而我老公一不学英语二不上网,水平又不高(只有大专)。他对移民兴趣不大。虽然谁也不能保证能成功,但既然办了就要准备。他这样我感觉很累,很无望,但我又没法说服他。移友有没有这种情况?我怎么办?有人和我交流一下吗?
    • I think you should encourage him. And remember to be patient, since the process is really a long way for you to go. You should depend on each other!
      • of course i know i can't part with him.but i can't change him,because he has no interest to learn English even getting online.
    • 如果实在劝不动他,那你就只好自己学了。他过来英语不好还可以打LABOUR工,还可以去ESL学习嘛。国内学的那点东西反正也不够用。
      • 打LABOUR不是那么轻松的,别来了干不下去!
        • 做好了吃苦的准备再来啊,不吃苦中苦,怎做人上人呢? :)
          • 你来加拿大原来是为了做“人上人”?还是别来了吧!中国人走到哪里都一样
            • 我已经来了怎么办?呵呵,想回去可是没钱买机票,想游泳回去却又是旱鸭子。别对中国人这么失望,中国人没这么糟的,完全是自己看不起自己。
              • 看的起自己是建立在看不起别人的基础上的?
                • 你错也。没谁看不起别人,但要让别人看得起自己,自己首先要看得起自己。这当然是老掉牙的观点了,但却是真理。
    • 我家和你家正好相反。不过,到了这里以后,LP学英语还是很积极的。这里有环境,学起来比国内容易。
      • 我来加一个多月后找到了工作,老婆在家没事做.有什么好主意? 还有,你觉得怎么才能最有效地提高英语水平?
        • 不说中文,多说、多听。有时候可以用报纸上的句子做些练习,甚至可以用老办法:背文章。
          • thx!
        • 小宝,你做什么的?这么快有工作?最近我听说在Vancouver短期找到工作的人越来越多,是不是说明Vancouver现在好找工作呀?
          • 我开发Palm
            小猪格格,我看了你的文章后三天拿到了面试。
            那时我正烦着呢,发了几十份简历,除了Auto Reply的Email就什么也没了,看着你的文章就觉得有道理,怎么我的经历就是你说的前期啊!接着就面试了,有offer了,haha!
            • hehe. ..Good Luck! 其实我住的离你很近很近。
              • 要不组织组织加西的FB活动?
                • 我一贯只能当从犯呀。主犯得另找别人。
                  • 通缉腐败活动温哥华地区主犯! 提供线索者无奖!
        • why not sending her to an english envionmental,n then she know her scarity??
    • 我有一个朋友与你情况差不多,LP总是对LG说,不好好学英语,过了加拿大就去杠大包!
    • You MUST be careful of this situation. If your LG keeps this attitude after landing Canada, the tough condition will exacerbate his bad mood. And the consequence will be worst.
      • thank for ur reminding.but i think he can't leave u-----my son n i....
        • If I were your son, you'll be too old to be an eligible applicant. He he... ... By the way, CNM.
    • There is an example in this forum. After landing, the husband refused to hunt job, study English, communicate with others, and was complaining about everything. His passive attitude finally inflicted divorce.
      • n then when is the husband???come back to China???
    • 我觉得你应该尊重你老公的选择. 从我的经验, 女方想要改变男方,一般以分手告终.有时候应该想想老一辈的话"嫁鸡随鸡,嫁狗随狗". 男人的骄傲往往最容易被女方忽视. 一个男人没了骄傲,就是在天堂又有什么意思?
      • But husband's self-abasement usually ruins the family.
        • 我自己也经历过,一般是因为老婆太过要强,过度看重表面的东西,跟别人攀比,引起老公的逆反心里. 男人最宝贵的东西就是骄傲.而且很多事情, 男人一般看得比较深比较远...
          • According to the experience of many immigrants, in case the wife is superior to the husband, problems will come.
          • 你敢说lumlum的坏话?:O 男人最宝贵的东西是自信, 不是莫名其妙的骄傲. :D
      • 有点儿道理...
      • 我们也有类似的问题。在中国似乎很难接受女性比男性强的家庭组合,包括当事人自己实质性内心。这样的家庭出现问题时,不能总责怪自己的丈夫,也要检讨一下自己,其实我们的要强可能正伤害自己的丈夫。
        我是硕士毕业,先生是本科生,1996年我提出移民加拿大的计划时,他无论如何都不同意,我就放弃了,那张移民申请就静静地待在抽屉里,直到99年再议此事。在移民的事情我们最终达成了一致:由我做主申请人、学英语等等。

        我对他要求并不高,只希望他能好好地对我和孩子,一家人快快乐乐地生活,可以力所能及地支持这个家庭。

        当然他也是那种不爱学习,摸电脑时主要是玩游戏,打字用一指蝉,但是他和我的工作性质本身就不同,他的工作不需要这些,一个人的改变要慢慢来。其实他在大学也是很聪明的,现在要想办法把他的聪明才智调动起来才是,不然可是人力资源的浪费呀。

        他最大的缺点:懒惰和臭脾气。谁有药方医治此病?
        • If you can "对他要求并不高,只希望他能好好地对我和孩子,一家人快快乐乐地生活,可以力所能及地支持这个家庭." .
          He should be able to change. People are not born lazy or arrogant, they only do so when they feel depressed or have lost confidence. BTW, I give you my respect for what you said above
          • That's enough...hoho...he's husband...not labour though...hoho...
        • Does he learn English now??? r u in china or abroad?but i think the happy life may be maintained by each other's hard work..
          • We will depart on 27/8. The way he learns English is paying money to some training courses and buying reference books, but never really study.
            He says that he would study after our landing because he has no choices. What I do or say is not useful and helpful for him , it makes me very tired. So I keep silence and do something by myself.

            Our aim is to find a labour job for him. I will prepare TOEFL in order to enter an U to study Computer next year.

            His most favorate matter is sleeping. He is reluctant to do anything but his business and sleeping. The sleeping time is always longer than my child. He is very lazy so sometimes I call him TIESUANPAN (joke).
            • 积习难改,最终改变的常常是婚姻,道不同不相为谋。
            • 如果到加拿大还改不了,就酸你不淘汰他,他也会被社会淘汰,还是好好讲道理给他听把。
      • Agree..
        Please think it over before you make the decision. What is the most important in your life? I'm a wife too, sometimes our hearts are likely to be obscured by the Xu Rong (sorry, forget this word). Please respect your husband and never think you are more clever than him, after all it's yourself who choosed him.
        • xu rong = vanity :)
          • yes, I tried different speeling like that, but couldn't find it.. (shame) thanx, are u n or l?
            • n
    • 咱俩的情况太象了。
      我LG也特不愿意我移民,但我觉得这是人生的一个好机会。我大学毕业后一直在一家国企工作,工资低,又没有什么地位。而我LG大专毕业,现在一家私营的房地产公司打工,工资虽然稳定,但却不高。他的专业又不是主业,在公司里属于可有可无之人。我觉得象我们这样的,出去没有一点成本。但我LG却认为我们现在即有工作,又有房子,出去是找死。他其实也不怕打LABOR 工,只是怕这也找不到。我们现在已办到了一半,他也学英语,但积极性不高,老爱说,到时你先去,等找到了工作,我再去。我很生气他这样说,我觉得一家人就应该劲往一处使。
      • 我的情况与你有所不同。
        我的情况与你有所不同,就是我们目前的情况还算好,当然目前的收入不能与发达地区比,在本地算好的。象你这种情况是应该出去闯一闯,外面没这么惨。我们不利的是年纪偏大,与三十出头了。你们不会吧?他打算读书吗?
      • 两个人出去,起码能存一个人的收入。I CAN‘T BEAR LIVING ALONE。。
    • 真是各有各的苦衷.好好劝劝LG,否则还是不要来canada.
    • 强扭的瓜不甜,两个人商量好再来吧...出国要想通了,才...为什么不告诉他现在国外生活的情况,启发启发他
      • exactly right
    • 尊重你先生的意见,好好商量再做决定。因为这毕竟是两个人的事,他不可以强迫你做决定,你当然也不应该一定要给他设计人生路线。更不用说现在加拿大的情况也不是很好。
      • 谢谢各位移友的意见。不过我已走上这条不归路,不想再回头。其实我LG也有不少优点如吃苦耐劳、脾气好等,到时我想他能做得了LABOUR工的。
    • 我和你的情况相似,老公没说不想移民可就是静不下心学英文,我曾经劝过无数次, 但都没用随他去吧, 男人不喜欢他们的妻子多说他们。到了加拿大有ESL 课程。
    • 平常心, 这是加拿大给我上的一课, 学英语对某些人真是苦差. 别太在意, 只要你爱他. 真正的生活是让自己, 让身边的人快乐起来.
    • I think you had already made your mind what to do next? Am I right