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@Las Vegas

Are you really thinking I want his property? The fact is that he didn't treat me as a legal wife, it's more like a common law partner......

anyonecanhelppls(panpan)
He brought this house after the marriage, and even he has property before marriage, at least he should let me know his decsion he doesn't want me to interfere. I have my choice to agree with him or reject. After marriage such occurance would be totally unacceptable because it shows I am not trusted and I am in the position of a legal wife. Why would he pretect himself from any bad situation while taking control of me, even doesn't allow me to talk to men? He becomes so prepared and secured, on the other hand, I am so passive and unsecure, He should show his appreciation that I quit my job for him and gave up so many fancy dreams or entitlements that a woman should have. eg. a wedding party, or honeymoon.
(#3366830@0)
Last Updated: 2006-12-8
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  • 枫下茶话 / 法律 / A woman suffering from abuse from her husband, as a foreigner, no residence permit, no phone, no car looking for your help!!! -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-6 {797} (#3362362@0)
    I came here to join my husband, but to my surprise, the marriage seems to turn into disaster, He's become such a phony who is so possessive, so narrow-minded and selfish, He could find fault with almost everything I do. and often use profanities. We argue almost everyday, and my contribution to the marriage has been devalued, as I am young and beautiful, i don't want to be an abused woman so I am convinced that I should stand up for myself by moving to next step that is divorce. But you know my problem here is that I came with visitor visa, resigned from my previous job, no family and friends around, and not even have a phone and a car on hand. I am in the house alone while he is working, looking forward to find some professional help from any lawer on these complicated family matter.
    • your english is good, anyway try to talk to him and find your own job or school -hunhun(混混); 2006-12-7 (#3364816@0)
    • 尽快和华资处联系，他们那里有个受虐妇女保护的组织。 -tw200501(东方之子); 2006-12-8 (#3365512@0)
      • 楼主英文这么好，随便去哪里都行。在这里发贴浪费时间，不如直接去找各个机构 -hhorse(hhorse); 2006-12-8 (#3365704@0)
    • 楼上的建议都是对的。不过，揣测你帖子中的意思，你的最大问题不是受虐待和离婚，而是想拿个身分留下来。通常留下来有四条路：上学、技术或投资移民、政治避难、离婚后再婚。哪种适合你，你帖子里说得不够详细，没法为你挑。 -rollor(Rollor); 2006-12-8 (#3366106@0)
      • Well, thank you all for the above suggestion and comments, don't you feel the life here is too boring yet hectic? I really miss HOME..... -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 {1052} (#3366483@0)
        本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Well, thank you all for your suggestion and comments, but to be honest, I don't really care if I can get citizenship, this country in winter feels like a wine cellar, so freezing cold. Besides, I find the life here is so hectic, You just spend your whole day at work and come back only for dinner and sleep, Perhaps I am wrong at this point, it seems to me that most of people struggle to make a living here, rarely eat out and make some true friends unless you live in Scarborough or in the vicinity of China town or you're really better off. As the second generation of immigrants, things could be better on some circumstances, but if you can get a chance to see outside of Canada, you might change your mind right away. I, personally don't like the life style in North America, however, as a wife of a Chinese Canadian, I wouldn't choose to leave or escape if the marriage does work well, oh, yeah, by the way, I have found a lawer who can help me out. I believe before long, life is going to be back on the track! :) Thank you again. everyone!更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
        • From your post, you do not seem was abused. To me, you seem to be picky and trouble maker. Sorry, no offensive, just my feeling, wish you well either way, good luck -barter_gta(Barter); 2006-12-8 (#3366536@0)
          • I am picky in certain way, but with my husband, You can't imagine how much I sacrificed myself... -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 {1682} (#3366652@0)
            本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛He is not financially strong, and his job is not very stable. I chose him simply because of love and we got married without engagement, He didn't buy me a wedding ring, I just want one that doesn't have to be expensive. We didn't hold a wedding party, in fact, only two witness during the ceremony, no wedding dress, no honeymoon, I was a bit depressed even though I didn' t want to spend much money either, however all I expect is to live happily after with him. I gave up my fabulous career from another country to unite with him. Just because I didn't insist on asking for too many things, he comes up with his stupid opinion that I chose to marry him for something, so he had his will prepared stating that everything will go to his son (he is divorced and has a little son) to keep me from getting any of his property. He actually only have a house which you need to continually pay for 25 years. Whenever I ask about this matter and question why he did this, he just ignored me or yelled at me with profanities and saying I actually expect him to die early. The funny thing is that he often asked me if I married twice, thus he keeps checking my e-mail, talking to my friends and even check every call I made. and tells me not to talk to men, and he never introduce me to his friends or colleagues. I feel suffocated all the time then I wrote him letter according to John Gray's theory to communicate with him, Not only can I see any improvement but also I was threatened that Canada normally protect tax payer, and he can call police to kick me out of the house at any time. I was so sad and feel unsecure...Since I have found a lawer, I am just happy at this stage.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
            • 都比窦娥还冤, as you are young and beautiful, 嫁的是老外吧? 要不再找个老外嫁了, 就一步到位了. -001isbetter(001-is-better); 2006-12-8 (#3366681@0)
              • Jia de bu shi lao wai ya, shi jia ji hua ren, :(( -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 (#3366712@0)
                • How couldn't you find a decent job? Your English is impressive. -gthm(愿闻其详); 2006-12-8 (#3366718@0)
            • 外语专业的? 条件真好, 年轻, 漂亮, 能挣, 爱花, 见过世面, 向往浪漫生活, 大家还不帮帮人家离婚? -coolmao(酷猫); 2006-12-8 (#3366689@0)
              • 真的abuse, 打个911就能离婚了. 再说楼主的英文那么好, 长得又漂亮, 警察, 法官不听她的听谁的? -001isbetter(001-is-better); 2006-12-8 (#3366725@0)
            • 你爱他,为什么不能理解他?感觉你来以前知道他离婚的事,既然爱他决定和他结婚,决定和他共同生活,何必要和他儿子争这些?他结婚前的财产让他自己去处理好了.你有能力经济独立.好好过日子,挑这些争端干什么? -hhorse(hhorse); 2006-12-8 (#3366738@0)
              • Are you really thinking I want his property? The fact is that he didn't treat me as a legal wife, it's more like a common law partner...... -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 {718} (#3366830@0)
                He brought this house after the marriage, and even he has property before marriage, at least he should let me know his decsion he doesn't want me to interfere. I have my choice to agree with him or reject. After marriage such occurance would be totally unacceptable because it shows I am not trusted and I am in the position of a legal wife. Why would he pretect himself from any bad situation while taking control of me, even doesn't allow me to talk to men? He becomes so prepared and secured, on the other hand, I am so passive and unsecure, He should show his appreciation that I quit my job for him and gave up so many fancy dreams or entitlements that a woman should have. eg. a wedding party, or honeymoon.
                • You claim that he doesn't trust you at all, then I don't understand why you would sacrifice so much to marry a man like this? He cheated you before? You married him because you loved him. What did U love about him? -hhorse(hhorse); 2006-12-10 {407} (#3369455@0)
                  Just feel somthing strange in your story. Noboday here knows what actually happened between you. If he was good enought to make you love him so much that you gave up everything to marry him, there must be some misunderstanding after you came. If you don't want anything from him except respect that you deserve, as you said here, talk to him seriously and heartfully. Let him know what is important to you.
            • Well, although I don't like the way you talk about marrieage and wedding, I don't like the way your husband behaves, if it is as you describe here. -rollor(Rollor); 2006-12-9 {252} (#3368401@0)
              If you don't like Canada, don't stay here. Go where you can live a better life, somewhere you want to call home.

              If you want to stay, as I said, you have four means: 上学、技术或投资移民、政治避难、离婚后再婚。Pick one and go for it.

              Good luck.
    • Very good English! -gthm(愿闻其详); 2006-12-8 {5} (#3366686@0)
      KENG!
      • Oh, yeah, does anyone know whether I can get a low paid job or work as volunteer without working permit? -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 (#3366716@0)
        • why would you like to do that?don't you have anyfriend in where ever you are from? get a ticket then go home! -tuantuan(油价跌破70); 2006-12-8 (#3366721@0)
          • A decision to go home is easy to make, but that shows I am a yes-woman and .... -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 {418} (#3366912@0)
            A yes- woman would choose to go back home, and it also means you accepted and even tolerated this abuse, I bet you're a man, would any woman here recommend me to stop flighting and go back home? I really don't think so, Another thing, I left my parents happily and I don't want them to worry about me, I am depressed, lack of help, but I am a matured woman, I can deal with my problems without troubling my parents.
        • Marry another one ? -gthm(愿闻其详); 2006-12-8 (#3366724@0)
        • 结了婚就能移民啦, 开始移了你就能打工啦, 你老公还得担保你的吧, 十年, 哈. 多动动脑子, 你亏不了. -001isbetter(001-is-better); 2006-12-8 (#3366729@0)
          • Working can help me vent my emotions and build my social circle... -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 {754} (#3366863@0)
            The purpose to find a job is not a money matter or to immigrate or anything like that, but because I am really bored and lonely at home, there is no satellite tv, nobody to talk to, all I can do is to surf the net, (I can't chat with men in order to avoid any conflict, and female friends are normally busy with their own romance or work.)cook and wait for him to come back. I guess the same routine will drive anyone to nuts when it's more than month, it's just like a jail. I want build my own social circle to ease my anxieties. When you have work to do, people to talk to, you could feel all your negative emotions are vented and come back home with absolute optimistic perspective. Probably we even can resolve our problems. Don't you think so?
      • Not really..."looking forward to find some professional help"? looking forward to some professional help or looking forward to finding some professional help...hiahiahia, try to find some bones among the eggs... -wireless_mouse(无线小滑鼠); 2006-12-8 (#3366871@0)
        • hahahaha, you're a grammatical savant, thanks for that, people do make mistakes sometimes. -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-8 (#3366936@0)
    • Anyone actually believe in her? Her English is excellent, she married a Canadian, and she can surf net, she have every thing of freedom, she can chose to do whatever (work legally). She probably is bored, so here to joke with us -barter_gta(Barter); 2006-12-10 (#3369613@0)
      • :o, I can't believe you actually said that, you are judging me in your own way, -anyonecanhelppls(panpan); 2006-12-11 {395} (#3371200@0)
        Why would I joke with all of you? I am probably bored, yes, but it doesn't mean i have to tell all the strangers here about my story. It doesn't do any good to me.I can surf the net, however, I have to delete all the files and websites history before he gets back in order to protect myself from any possible harm. If you don't offer me any help, fine, but don't make anyone else do, thanks!

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