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Assimilate into Canadian culture and learn to say "No"

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛When I just started to work in Canada(even now sometimes still), I am so over-serious to others' requests and never really say "No".

However, many times, I found I am shouting myself in the feet. I thought I am helping others, however the ownership changes simultaneously. Some hot potatoes are passed to my hands without awareness and of course my boss don't like it too. Plus, I will have to work, work, work and sacrifice my family time and feel guilty to my kids.

So I sat down and went through a consulting process for myself.

Why I can not say "No"?

1. I am nice. I feel sad rejecting others.

2. I am afraid being defensive in others' eyes.

3. I am not confident declining requests as I value my job too much and my English is so poor.

Are those reasons can not be fixed?

Certainly no.

1. I should be nice but not a pushover.

2. Canadian Culture respects personal commitment. If there are conflicts, as long as I explained, my boss in general is very flexible.

3. My prior experience has proved that nothing is as urgent and serious as I thought.

4. Clarify what the requestor really want and offer alternative when there are conflicts.


In the end, the center of my life are my family and kids. Being a good mom adds great value to me and make me feel good. So always prioritize our time and be assertive.

Now I am trying to use what I came up with. My boss or colleagues, of course, noticed that I may not always complete his requests immediately but I have bulit up the trust that I will never miss deadline if the requests are valid. They understand that I will need to balance my life. If the work can be done easier by other teams, I will try not do work it out on my own. If I can talk to my contact over phone or in person, I will try not to hide behind technology and send the emails back and forth.

Hopefully, you have some sort of empathy with me and your thoughts are greatly welcomed.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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  • "Language doesn't talk but points do." - From one of my friend
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛This is what my friend told me. In my eyes, she is very graceful and successful girl. She is a manager in a large company. This thought really inspired me and encouraged me. So share with our group.

    Many of us think lack of English skill hindered our success on landing on a suitable position. However, to immprove language skill is not an overnight work. While keeping working on it, a few points may be helpful from my experience.

    1. Being confident. Let other people hear our voice and notice us. Even though most of time, we are working silently but our brain never stop running. I have the first hand information for our work. Nobody is more qualified than us in term of the information we are working on.

    2. Being active. If we always keep silent, people use tone us out. Whenever there are group activities, trying to actively participate and speak out.

    3. Being logic and have three points ready. We always say "practice makes perfect". We may not have enough time practising all the time but at least being cautious and work proactively. No matter what type of tasks we are working on, always trying to summarize them into three points. Once we are called up, we are prepared.

    4. Passinate about our job. If we really care about something, this care makes difference and people notice. Treat our job more than just make a living.

    5. Attitude determines. Postive attitude gives us energy and happiness. Everybody has down time but try to get rid of as quickly as possible.

    Communication sometimes is comprehensive and many aspects may be outside of language itself. This is what I can think about and please add your thoughts. Hopefully we can grow together.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • Thanks for sharing !
    • 好建议!谢谢分享!
    • Good points!Thanks for sharing.
    • Thanks for viewing. Communication is never enough.
      Even with mother togue, there are breakdowns of communication and we will need to figure out the effective and nicer way to convey our message. No mention using the second language. Let's encourage each other to improve.
    • Assimilate into Canadian culture and learn to say "No"
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛When I just started to work in Canada(even now sometimes still), I am so over-serious to others' requests and never really say "No".

      However, many times, I found I am shouting myself in the feet. I thought I am helping others, however the ownership changes simultaneously. Some hot potatoes are passed to my hands without awareness and of course my boss don't like it too. Plus, I will have to work, work, work and sacrifice my family time and feel guilty to my kids.

      So I sat down and went through a consulting process for myself.

      Why I can not say "No"?

      1. I am nice. I feel sad rejecting others.

      2. I am afraid being defensive in others' eyes.

      3. I am not confident declining requests as I value my job too much and my English is so poor.

      Are those reasons can not be fixed?

      Certainly no.

      1. I should be nice but not a pushover.

      2. Canadian Culture respects personal commitment. If there are conflicts, as long as I explained, my boss in general is very flexible.

      3. My prior experience has proved that nothing is as urgent and serious as I thought.

      4. Clarify what the requestor really want and offer alternative when there are conflicts.


      In the end, the center of my life are my family and kids. Being a good mom adds great value to me and make me feel good. So always prioritize our time and be assertive.

      Now I am trying to use what I came up with. My boss or colleagues, of course, noticed that I may not always complete his requests immediately but I have bulit up the trust that I will never miss deadline if the requests are valid. They understand that I will need to balance my life. If the work can be done easier by other teams, I will try not do work it out on my own. If I can talk to my contact over phone or in person, I will try not to hide behind technology and send the emails back and forth.

      Hopefully, you have some sort of empathy with me and your thoughts are greatly welcomed.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • Agree! 我也是这些日子才学着说NO. 出乎我意料的是 当我说出为什么这件事这么麻烦 很不好做 主管和其他人帮我找到了彻底的解决方案。以前总觉得这是 抱怨 不好,现在明白把抱怨转变成建议才是正道。
        • En, I think when we are trying to make statements, don't specify to a person, but focus on the tasks and give constructive recommendations.
    • 每句话都说到我心坎里!我现在有太深感受。以前总觉得自己是不爱说话的人 英语不好有口语 不适用跟人打交道的工作,现在我觉得我是最适合做这个工作 并且做得是最好的。
      • Thanks, Xiaomo, for your empathy! I am still not very confident and hesitating to talk to others for most of time, but I am trying my best to overcome it.
    • Very good.Thanks.
    • Thank you for sharing! :)
    • 佩服你在工作学习上的努力!看到你这么认真,我觉得自己很堕落,得过且过。汗啊。。
      • 同汗。我更惭愧,最近8点就睡觉了。
      • Hoho~~~, hug, hug~~. I just logged down what I had for record and share with our group. You are my role model.
        We are at different stages of our life. Little bears keep you handful. You are great in my eyes. Comparatively I am a way falling behind. You know where my pain is.